This is a journal entry I wrote on October 5, 2009. As many of you know, this was only a month after we met. At this point, I had only met Blake once.
October 5, 2009
"If we are faithless, He remains faithful- for He cannot deny Himself" 2 Timothy 2:13
With all of that said, I must begin a story. A story that has just begun, but has impacted my life in so many ways. A story that I pray will continue forever. A story that has been planned and thought out by none other than God.
The summer of 2009 was a very good one. I believe God placed certain people in my life to better my understanding of the cross and suffering. How it is central and crucial in a Christ-followers life. Although I classify this summer as amazing, I can kind of say that suffering was a small dose of it. I went through a terrible valley towards the end of the summer.
The stories I would hear of two people, completely surrendered to the Lord, falling in love were so strange to me. Thoughts that were not of the Lord would go through my mind constantly. Thought like, "I am too fat" or "I am not good enough for someone else" or "I am weird". I know that those thoughts may not seem "bad" but the more a person dwells on these things, the more they believe them.
With these thoughts I always felt like I needed encouragement, Like someone always neede to tell me that I was a godly woman or somthing to that extent. It was pitiful, because I could hear the voice of the Lord saying I AM YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT. Yet I would still soak in my what I thought to be "lonliness". Then, I would get angry with myself because I spend more time thinking about ME and MY desires than I did others. While people were dying and going to hell, I am throwing myself a pity-party. That is NOT of Christ.
So anyways. There was this specific weekend that the Lord sent me some encouragement through another believer. My old roommate, Hannah, had to leave town and one of her friends from Beach Project was staying that the apartment. It was just me and Brittany that night. We didn't even know each other but by the end of the night we knew everything about each other. Just listening to her being so content with Christ calling her to singleness at this time in her life made me content with it. It helped to me have strength and faith in His promises. So I can truly say that that night was somewhat of a turning point in my "valley".
I do not think that the three years I have been single was not because I could not get anyone. Just about everyone can get someone. I was hard core clinging to the desires in me that I believed were from God in my future husband. The only two that did not fit hand in hand were 1. International missions 2. Hunting and fishing. These two very rarely come together.
So anyways, Brittany and I's conversation was at the very end of July. It seems like now that I'm reflecting on it, I see how the Lord was beginning to pull me out of this valley with His strength. However, I still had some issues.
The couple I was living with (Lance and April) would go on triple dates and would want to invite me, but it would be weird (duh). So I would stay at home and watch the kids. Actually, that only happened once but I rememered that one time like it had happened a thousand times. When the kids went to sleep I wept. I was in tears. Tears of lonliness. I didn't understand why I was feeling like this. I follow Christ and I know that I am complete in Him and only Him. I knew that. Why was I weeping? Why had I lost hope?
Another instance that made me upset was with a friend back home. She had just come back to the Lord this summer. She was living in sin and for herself until that point. She would be the first one to tell you that too. She called me one afternoon and told me she had met an amazing guy and that God was making it clear to her that he was to be something in her life. And from what she said he was amazing. Automatically, I jump into the flesh and start thinking, "Lord... she is JUST now coming back to you and you give her someone. She needs to fall in love with you before anyone else. What about me?" and QUICKLY I am hit in the face with the fact that HE IS GOD. Why would I questions the things He is doing. There was still a litter bitterness towards the situation. That was when I really had to step back and evaluate my motives in wanting a relationship. Was it for my satisfaction or for His glory? Because what does marriage represent anyways? Ourselves or the love of Christ? I soon realized that my motives were selfish and I went back to Psalm 119
"Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it. Incline my heart to your testimonies and not towards selfish gain." Pslam 119: 35-36
Conviction covered me and it was refreshing. I bowed before the Lord confessing my selfishness. Broken because I had not been living up the righteousness for which I have been called. So I repented and turned away from this sinful way of thinking. I really wish I knew all of the dates of these events. But I don't. All I know is that His mercy was flowing and covering.
Remember at the beginning when I referenced to 2 Tim 2:13? Well, the verse explains itself. When we lack faith, He remains faithful ot us and His promises still stand. He cannot deny the fact that He is God and He is infinately faithful. So I began to cling to this at about mid August. Trusting that He would be glorified through my singleness. Whether that lasted 3 days, 3 years, 40 years, or forever. I was going to embrace what the Lord had called me to at this point in my life.
Okay! Here is where it gets juicy!!!!!
I have a best friend named Jordan Curtis. Her and her husband moved up to Louisville, KY to go to Boyce college. They moved at the beginning of June and I was missing her terribly. So Rebecca and I decided to drive 630 miles North on I-65 to go see her.
Prior to me coming up there she had mentioned a boy named Blake who would be perfect for me. My attitude towards that was that God was going to have to do something big because I'm not even going to look at Him unless it was of God. I dismissed the thought remembering that it is in HIM who I am made complete.
Se we head up there on September 4, 2009 <-- great trip btw. Rebecca is so amazing! Really! We had such a good time! We got there, cooked dinner and just didn't do a whole lot. We just enjoyed spending time with each other catching up on everything.
Anyways, Saturday, we went downtown, watched football, etc. Jordan would mention this "Blake" guy every now and then just talking about how she wanted us to meet and that we would be perfect for each other.. blah blah blah. I really tried not to entertain the thought because I was slowly but surely getting out of this valley, aware of how I needed to depend on Christ more. The last thing I expected was for a boy to show up.
I love these girls! They are TRUE women of the Lord.
Anyways, Saturday, we went downtown, watched football, etc. Jordan would mention this "Blake" guy every now and then just talking about how she wanted us to meet and that we would be perfect for each other.. blah blah blah. I really tried not to entertain the thought because I was slowly but surely getting out of this valley, aware of how I needed to depend on Christ more. The last thing I expected was for a boy to show up.
Sunday was the day I knew I was going to meet Blake. The morning was extremely hectic. I went to iron my dress 10 minutes before we had to leave and spilled water all over the bottom of it. I still wore it. I think I definately hit the "I don't care" point way too early that morning. Anyway. We arrive at the church 15 minutes late! So we didn't get to sit by them, as a matter of fact, I didn't see Blake the entire service. Service ends, we all meet in the lobby to discuss lunch plans, and there he is. Blake Courington. Jordan introduces us and we shake hands. Not much was said between us right there. Just a quick "hey how are ya" kind of things.
We get to the apartment and since Jordan in cooking lunch, me and Beck decide to go get something from Kroger to make a dessert. Thank you Laura Blackman for the DELICIOUS cookie dessert recipe. I had no idea it would win someones heart.
I thought Blake was a STUD. So I knew I had to impress him. :) And sure enough.. He had two servings and just went on and on about how good it was. He said it so much that I thought he may have been kidding or something. It was sweet. Automatically, I saw traits in him that I liked. Just the way he shook my hand and looked me in my eyes. He was wearing a pink shirt tucked into some khaki's. It was handsome. I was wearing a pink dress that day too! CRAZY! :)
After lunch, we all played some ultimate frisbee and it was super fun. We got beat but we had a good time. I can remember high-fiving Blake a couple of times during the game. He was wearing a NOLA shirt that said "WHO DAT?" on the front. Me, not knowing what it even meant, found it funny. Then we went back up to Ben and Jordans and drank a glass of sweet tea to cool off. We start making dinner plans and we ask Freddy, Nick and Blake if they wanted to come. I specifically remembered Blake sayingt hat he really shouldn't. He needed to do some homework, reading, etc. And finally, he said "well, we don't want to intrude." But Ben begged him to come. So we all cleaned up and went downtown for dinner.
We end up at this place called the Old Speghetti Warehouse.
It's pretty low key but kind of fancy too. We had about an hour wait, so we all went outside to chat. Reminder: I am trying to to entertain these thoughts of Blake and I being anything. So we wait and us girls are talking and the boys are talking. We finally get a table and it just so happens that Blake and I are sitting across from each other (which later, he said that he was responsible for that). We all sit down and BOOM. Blake and I get lost in conversation. Just about what led us to Christ, why we were where we were and things that He had done for us. He starts talking about his family and small town. Then he starts telling me about hunting (check). We finally get to missions. He proceeds to tell me that he was supposed to be in Peru right now with the IMB but the funds were short so they cancelled the summer meetings. OH MY WORD. Did I hear that right? A hunting preacher? Shut up!
Here are the guys at dinner that night!
Not only was our conversation divine but he was proving to be everything I had ever desired and MORE. I remember thinking "Wow, if this is how great our convos are when we're with a group, I would what they will be like on a date". Before I knew it, my heart was leaping. This was a sincere man of God who looked me in my eyes when he talked to me. He asked me questions and cared about what Christ had done in my life.
Dinner was over after an hour and a half. We went to get ice cream! Me, Jordan, Rebecca, Ben and Freddy rode together and I remember them all saying "So, Kayse.. ya'll were talking a lot. How was it?" ha... and I tried my hardest to act cool about all of it... trying not to get my hopes up, but I had a smile glued to my face.
And... we got ice cream. Blake and I said one sentence to each other while we were there. I think we were both a little blown away at what happened at dinner. I had these strange/wonderful feelings going on.
We went back to the apartment. Blake and Nick never came back.
So THEN Rebecca and I left the next morning. We didn't get a chance to say bye to Blake and Nick. Honestly, I wondered if I would ever talk to him again. However, my prayer was that if this was of the Lord... if these feelings were planted and planned by Christ Himself, then He would mae a way for Blake and I.
On our drive home, Rebecca proceeds to tell me that EVERYONE at the dinner table were making fun of me and Blake. Freddy and Ben were telling Nick that he was going to have to find a new roommate, singing "So this is love..", and just making a ton of jokes. I HAD NO IDEA. So when Rebecca told me about this I was FREAKING OUT. I got so embarrassed and was thinking that Blake would never talk to me again because everyone was pushing it so much and yada yada. I thought "What if he heard them and thought our conversation was just normal". Oh man.. I was beside myself. The rest of the ride home I kept asking Rebecca what she thought. And if any of you know Rebecca you know she has short and to the point answers!! haha!! I praise God for friends like these that were there that weekend. Every single one of them have been extremely influential in my walk with Christ.
So now... I was "sittin' waitin' wishin'" (Jack Johnson) that he would add me on facebook or something. He told me during dinner that he never got online. So I was banking on it being a while. Jordan would ask me every day if he had added me! I was at peace about everything though. As much as I wanted him to add me or something, I knew this HAD to be a work of Christ and not of Kayse. So I waited. AND FINALLY.. ON THURSDAY September 10, Blake Russell Courington sent me a stinking beautiful friend request on facebook. I was so excited!!!!!!! But at the same time I was thinking.. HE IS NEVER GOING TO GET ONLINE!!!
Finally, on September 13, at like midnight, he gets online. It takes him like 20 minutes to say something to me on the little chat thing. And if that isn't bad enough, I am doing all of this on my CELL PHONE. And if anyone has an iPhone... you know that facebook chat is NEARLY impossible.
However, supernaturally, my facebook chat works.. we CHAT for 3 hours.. on my cell phone. Crazy, right? He asked me for my phone number and asks if he could call me sometime. At this point I have my hands over my mouth screaming (trying not to wake the Nicholsons). I couldn't believe this amazing, good-looking, man of God, was pursuing me. I was just floored. I don't really have words to express what was going on spiritually that night. A lot of confirmation though. That's for sure.
He doesn't call me the next night... but calls me the night after that. He text me to see if it was okay to call first (that makes him even more a hotty). WE HAD THE BEST CONVERSATION AGAIN!. I mean I couldn't get over how much of Christ I saw in this guy. His humility, his grace, his selflessness. I thought to myself "His life is a picture of the gospel" and I wanted to be a part of that. I wanted to serve him. Since then, we have talked almost every night, acknowledging that we are both pursuing a relationship with each other. This weekend, he is coming to Arkansas.
Looking back at that night at dinner, Jesus Christ did a work in both of us. He planted these emotions that we haven't been able to shake. I have a feeling that it will not take long until I am in love with him. Like I said, the story has just begun.
As a witness, Jesus Christ is faithful even when we are faithless. When we feel like giving up, He reminds us that He has come and kept us here so that we can have life more abundantly FOR HIS GLORY.
There is so much more I could say, but I've been sitting in StarBucks writing for three hours. I will close with this: He is King. Our God reigns. He is in control. May my faith be immovable and the work He has done in me impact others. Hallelujah. It is all for Him. Hallelujah."
... We NOW ARE MARRIED. God is so good. I hope this will encourage all of you and I hope you can fin rest in God's provision.
Love you all with the love Christ has given me!!!
Kayse Courington (The adventurous one)
Dinner was over after an hour and a half. We went to get ice cream! Me, Jordan, Rebecca, Ben and Freddy rode together and I remember them all saying "So, Kayse.. ya'll were talking a lot. How was it?" ha... and I tried my hardest to act cool about all of it... trying not to get my hopes up, but I had a smile glued to my face.
And... we got ice cream. Blake and I said one sentence to each other while we were there. I think we were both a little blown away at what happened at dinner. I had these strange/wonderful feelings going on.
We went back to the apartment. Blake and Nick never came back.
So THEN Rebecca and I left the next morning. We didn't get a chance to say bye to Blake and Nick. Honestly, I wondered if I would ever talk to him again. However, my prayer was that if this was of the Lord... if these feelings were planted and planned by Christ Himself, then He would mae a way for Blake and I.
On our drive home, Rebecca proceeds to tell me that EVERYONE at the dinner table were making fun of me and Blake. Freddy and Ben were telling Nick that he was going to have to find a new roommate, singing "So this is love..", and just making a ton of jokes. I HAD NO IDEA. So when Rebecca told me about this I was FREAKING OUT. I got so embarrassed and was thinking that Blake would never talk to me again because everyone was pushing it so much and yada yada. I thought "What if he heard them and thought our conversation was just normal". Oh man.. I was beside myself. The rest of the ride home I kept asking Rebecca what she thought. And if any of you know Rebecca you know she has short and to the point answers!! haha!! I praise God for friends like these that were there that weekend. Every single one of them have been extremely influential in my walk with Christ.
So now... I was "sittin' waitin' wishin'" (Jack Johnson) that he would add me on facebook or something. He told me during dinner that he never got online. So I was banking on it being a while. Jordan would ask me every day if he had added me! I was at peace about everything though. As much as I wanted him to add me or something, I knew this HAD to be a work of Christ and not of Kayse. So I waited. AND FINALLY.. ON THURSDAY September 10, Blake Russell Courington sent me a stinking beautiful friend request on facebook. I was so excited!!!!!!! But at the same time I was thinking.. HE IS NEVER GOING TO GET ONLINE!!!
Finally, on September 13, at like midnight, he gets online. It takes him like 20 minutes to say something to me on the little chat thing. And if that isn't bad enough, I am doing all of this on my CELL PHONE. And if anyone has an iPhone... you know that facebook chat is NEARLY impossible.
However, supernaturally, my facebook chat works.. we CHAT for 3 hours.. on my cell phone. Crazy, right? He asked me for my phone number and asks if he could call me sometime. At this point I have my hands over my mouth screaming (trying not to wake the Nicholsons). I couldn't believe this amazing, good-looking, man of God, was pursuing me. I was just floored. I don't really have words to express what was going on spiritually that night. A lot of confirmation though. That's for sure.
He doesn't call me the next night... but calls me the night after that. He text me to see if it was okay to call first (that makes him even more a hotty). WE HAD THE BEST CONVERSATION AGAIN!. I mean I couldn't get over how much of Christ I saw in this guy. His humility, his grace, his selflessness. I thought to myself "His life is a picture of the gospel" and I wanted to be a part of that. I wanted to serve him. Since then, we have talked almost every night, acknowledging that we are both pursuing a relationship with each other. This weekend, he is coming to Arkansas.
Looking back at that night at dinner, Jesus Christ did a work in both of us. He planted these emotions that we haven't been able to shake. I have a feeling that it will not take long until I am in love with him. Like I said, the story has just begun.
As a witness, Jesus Christ is faithful even when we are faithless. When we feel like giving up, He reminds us that He has come and kept us here so that we can have life more abundantly FOR HIS GLORY.
There is so much more I could say, but I've been sitting in StarBucks writing for three hours. I will close with this: He is King. Our God reigns. He is in control. May my faith be immovable and the work He has done in me impact others. Hallelujah. It is all for Him. Hallelujah."
And then we started dating..
... We NOW ARE MARRIED. God is so good. I hope this will encourage all of you and I hope you can fin rest in God's provision.
Love you all with the love Christ has given me!!!
Kayse Courington (The adventurous one)
