This is exactly how I feel every time God knocks me off my feet with His plan instead of mine. It's amazing how I can get so caught up in the mind set that God needs me. He needs my attitude to be perfect for people to get saved, he needs my prayers to be constant for something to actually happen, or in this case, he needs my health to be perfect to conceive a child.
Though ALL of those things (attitude, prayer, health) are EXTREMELY important, we ALL know that God can work in spite of them. PRAISE THE LORD. So with this in mind, I wanted to share with you my health journey.
I want to start with when I first got married. Blake was such an awesome provider and cared about my comfort at our new home in Cordova, AL. He worked as an insurance agent and was gone a LOT... we're talking from 8-9 in the morning to 8-9 at night. I really tried to adjust well and do things around the house but I was a little lonely. THEN if you read in my "Adventures #2" blog you already know that fear took over my life in the beginning of our marriage. Bless Blake's heart... he's already had to deal with so much.
PROPS TO THE BEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD
Okay, continuing...
My point for explaining all of this is that I began to notice some weight gain. It wasn't dramatic, just a few lbs really, but enough to make me a little self conscious. Because of my fear and because I was in an unfamiliar area I didn't feel comfortable getting out and walking by myself. -Pause- if you have not read my 2nd blog post I urge you to do so -Unpause-. Blake ends up quitting the insurance company and we move to Eldridge.. closer to my fears. I definitely did not feel comfortable getting out and walking!
So the weight gain kept on and kept on that Fall (2010). Finally, the next March (2011), I was getting my bridesmaids dress fitted over the phone for a dear friends wedding and when I gave her my measurements she insisted they were wrong. I don't blame her! I had doubled in size since she last saw me! So that exact day I went and got a gym membership. I worked my TAIL off March, April, and May. I saw only a few pound difference so I was already discouraged. Then the worst school semester of my life was that summer. I took 5 classes and 2 of them were 3 hours away. The workload was way too much to handle. Believe me when I say I would begin working on my school work at 8 a.m. and work until 10 or 11 p.m. I was the most stressed I had ever been in my entire life. So stressed that I started seeing heat waves.. My mom told me that that was me having an ophthalmic migraine. She was really concerned and told me that I HAD to relax.
Truthfully, it wasn't just school that was taking a toll on me but my weight kept going up and up. My relationship with the Lord became almost nonexistent because I didn't feel worthy... physically, mentally, emotionally, NOTHING. It was a very sad place to be.
***WARNING*** If you are a guy and are uncomfortable with the words "menstrual cycle" PLEASE do not read on! ALSO NOTE: Our entire marriage we have used zero contraceptives. I need to make that point to show you how God provides when HE sees fit!
I began having many, many health issues. I had to have a colonoscopy in October 2011 because of abnormal bleeding, I had not had a menstrual cycle since May 2011, and my weight was continually rising and rising.
After my colonoscopy came back showing that stress triggered lots of things I knew it was time I got on my knees and remember where my strength comes from. I was completely empty and had nothing to give to god but He restored my soul. I'll never forget that Fall. He held me closely and lead me down a path of renewal in His word and ways. That was my first step in my "healthy lifestyle".
That December I started going back to the gym.
In January 2012, I went to the doctor about my absence of a mentrual cycle. I learned that I have something called PCOS (Polycystic ovarian syndrome). I had ALL of the symptoms. No periods, weight gain, not able to lose weight, hair loss, low estrogen levels, etc. The doctor explained that my body was producing more of the male hormone than the female hormone. I was not getting enough of the female hormone to ovulate, resulting in an absent menstrual cycle. With producing more of the male hormone my body's insulin was at max and was turning it into fat (explaining the dramatic weight gain). He gave us a couple of options to go with and we felt like God was leading to take the female hormone pill called Provera.
Oh my gosh... if you ever thought I was mean, I was really mean when I was on this medication!
So we went through a round of that in February 2012, had a menstrual cycle, went back to the doctor 21 days later to check my hormone levels and they were rock bottom. I didn't lose hope because I knew it may take more than once. So we tried again in April and had even worse results. My progesterone was at a 0.08 or something like that. It was crazy low!
I was also working out 3-4 times a week. I "up'd" my pace and started running.
The doctor told us there was nothing else they could do unless we were ready to try fertility drugs or go to an endocrinologist. He said because of my mom having to use fertility drugs and me having the same issues that I would most likely not be able to conceive without fertility drugs. We prayed and prayed about it and just felt as though we needed to wait. I told Blake that I had been praying a lot about it and I was going to see if God would give me a period (on my own without drugs) for 2 months in a row (Being May and June) before I called the other doctor to check out my pituitary glands.
Meanwhile, I was involved in a bible study at our church. We were going through the book "Made To Crave".. I highly suggest it to anyone who has dealt with the same issues as I have! I finally began losing some weight and before I knew it I had dropped nearly 20 lbs! This was a miracle considering I heard it was impossible to lose weight having PCOS, without diet pills. I was feeling SO good, too!
Left: August 2011 Right: June 2012
Come May 10, 2012 the flood gates had opened! It was truly a miracle! I couldnt believe my eyes! But it doesn't stop there!!! COME JUNE 15, 2012 THEY OPENED UP AGAIN! Me and Blake were just completely floored with what the Lord was doing in my health... Spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally! It was amazing!
I remember, the entire time I was infertile, my prayer was "God, I want to be healthy for the glory of you through my future children." There was no doubt in my mind that God would give us children.... We just thought it would be several years from now...
LOW AND BEHOLD::::::
July came around and no period... I thought my health was failing again. Then, July 27, 2012 Blake said "just go in there and take a test"... Me, having taken DOZENS of tests thought "whatever, I just took one a couple of weeks ago and it was negative.. but I have an extra one so why not."
Then there were two lines...
I immediately began to do the ugly cry... then I started hyperventilating... then I threw up. I could NOT believe it. Blake was laughing at me!! I was really beside myself! TOTALLY unexpected.
Then we had to wait and tell everyone after Blake's lovely sisters wedding! This is me with my parents, keeping a HUGE secret!
So finally at midnight I told my parents!! Mom didn't get the onsie at first.. Then she looked at me and began to BAWL! It was definitely a special moment!
So to all of my friends dealing with tough situations in your life DONT GIVE UP! Hebrews 10:35-36 says "Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised." I don't feel like I took these steps to "receive" things from God but rather to be obedient knowing that it was up to Him whether He would bless us with a child. I am so confident is my Almighty God and His promises.
He is so so so so good. He works all around you! Even though you can't see it, can't feel it, and even feel defeated, He is working all things to the good of those who love Him according to his purpose.
Now I ask, as my first trimester is wrapping up, that you would pray with me. Pray that people would read the stories of mine and Blake's life and see that we are weak but Christ is strong. God is so faithful in the small and in the great. Also pray for the life of our child. We realize that ANYTHING could happen... Our anthem for all of this is that God CAN sustain this life, He WILL sustain the life, but even if he doesn't He is still God and we will still worship and praise Him! We aren't worried in the least bit about my pregnancy because we are so confident in the Maker and Sustainer of life.
Here is a song that has been very near and dear to my heart through all of this. Please take a moment to listen:
Thank you SO much for taking time to read my blog post. I love you all and pray that my story will encourage you!
